This week I was reminded of a recent story by National Geographic photographer Jim Richardson called As The World Turns. This spring Jim crowdsourced photos that depicted transitions. Not just the transitions from winter to spring but also photos that captured that moment in time when everything changed. That moment when you realize nothing will be quite the same again.
Last Monday I took the photo above of my Mum and Dad in their cozy little house on Church Street in Forest. Many of you who know my photography best know that I like to take pictures of beautiful landscapes. On social media I like to share positive stories – it is my personal preference to share as much positivity as possible because our world needs more of that. We all do. So it took some careful thought to decide whether I should share this photo and this story with you today. It is a photo that is a bit raw, at least for me. This stolen moment of my dear parents depicts a look of apprehension, of fear and more than a bit of sadness. This is a photo of my Dad, my sister Jen and I trying to cajole my Mum into one last photo together in their own home before Jen drove Mum to her new home in a nearby care residence. This is the moment everything changed for all of us.
My parents are stoic farm folk. They are in their mid 80’s and have fiercely hung on to the independence and freedom that living in your own home provides. The little house on Church Street has been their home for over 10 years now and it is a charming place filled with much love and cherished memories. It is decked out in family photos. Perhaps too many but is there such a thing? It is their safe harbour and our favourite place to gather to remember where we come from and who we are. It is the place I receive an abundance of unconditional, pure, sweet love. It is our safe place.
Unfortunately this is not a unique tale. My parents have reached that time in life when ill health begins to erode choices and options. My dear Mum has struggled with Alzheimer’s for several years now and my dear Dad has been her rock, her memory and her keeper. Until now. Several months ago my Dad was diagnosed with late stage lung cancer and our scramble began to find new places where both could be cared for. Fortunately for all of us my sister Jen is a fantastic nurse (just ask anyone in Sarnia Lambton!) and understands the intricacies of health care and the stages and gates needed to jump through to quickly find reasonable solutions to unreasonable situations. Last week Mum was accepted into a care facility in nearby Watford and had a mere 24 hours to say yay or nay. There is no nay for us now and so I came home last weekend so we could support our parents in this incomprehensibly sad step. We both wondered what might happen on this day and so we decided on “zone defence” – Jen would take Mum to Watford and I would stay with Dad to monitor him and keep him company in his first few days alone. This Friday was our parent’s 50th Anniversary and they have lived side by side as a team for many long, happy years. They have rarely been apart. But these past few months Dad has been hanging on for dear life, trying to keep this dynamic duo together for as long as humanly possible. On Monday, after the photo above was taken, everything changed.
Mum is starting to settle in to her new life in Watford. There were heartbreaking moments when she asked why this had to be and “please take me home.” At home, I watched Dad disappear in front me as he finally seemed to struggle with and accept with quiet, exhausted grace that he had done his job so well, and it was time to let things go. By week’s end it was clear that Dad too had to take that next step where options, freedom, and privacy are diminished in return for the full time care that is needed in the final stages of a life so very well lived. On their anniversary day, rather than taking Dad to visit Mum in Watford, Jen took Dad to a cancer hospice in Sarnia and gathered everyone together for an impromptu celebration in Dad’s new room. Mum loved “escaping” for a day and Dad finally slept.
In one short week our lives have changed so much. We have appreciated the outpouring of love and support from our dear family and friends as we scrambled through a week of diminishing, dreadful choices. A week of letting go. And now the little white house on Church street that was so full of life and love one short week ago stands silent and empty. No laughter. No tears. No people or beloved pets. No Yarn or Kleenex.
I am writing this post today for all of you who have lived through this heartbreaking time of change and choices. We know your story and now we too feel your anguish. And your LOVE! It is what binds us all together and it will be what sees us through the coming days and weeks. From the Henderson Family we say thank you, thank you, thank you!
Hi, I’m Patti, wonderer, wanderer and photographer. During the week I’m a marketer in the publishing industry and on weekends I take to the road to explore this beautiful planet we live on. 
Love and hugs…we were so lucky in our families. Our parents grew up in a small town where cousins were close.We as kids were lucky to visit those cousins and their families, so many good times. I even remember great times at your grandparents. As we lose them one by one it is so very sad but we were lucky. They gave us such a rich life of memories. Visiting the farm, trudging fields, your mom’ s smile and laugh as my dad teased her as only cousins can. Warm desserts in a kitchen so filled with love. Two little red headed imps who were there parents pride and joy. O to go back to those times…
Oh Patti
My heart breaks for you all. What a beautiful story you have shared with us all, even through the pain. I feel the love for your mum and dad. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I have watched so many families go through this but have never seen it so eloquently written down. Thinking of you all, as you navigate this new normal.
Oh Patti! I always love reading your stories, but this one, well this one was so hard to read yet so beautifully written. We are a very lucky family. As Barb said we not only got to visit our first cousins, but our parents first cousins
and aunts and uncles and, well our very big family. In a day where some kids lived so far from their aunts, uncles and grandparents, we got to see our 2nd and 3rd cousins regularly. What a great childhood we all had. Our Great Maxfield Grandparents raised a very loving family and taught them how important family is, and it has continued down through the years to us. My kids learned the importance of family and cherished their aunts, uncles cousins and 2nd and 3rd cousins too! ( Some day I’ll tell you the “Mini Me McGee” story.) The part of life you have been describing here is the part I hate. I am really not very good at change…or loss. It’s a stage I will not go through as a senior, as I feel that is our choice in life. But losing Dad and having Mom in her eighties, I know I will have to go through change and loss one more time. Your parent’s are very proud of the way you girls are handling this change in your family, because they raised you in love. You made me cry today, but it was a good cry. Jordan said to me yesterday, that he wishes that he had grown up like me, with Mom at home, summers at the lake and everything we cherish. Those times will never be again, the world changes, but not always for the best. Lots of Love
Oh my Patti – you are so talented in expressing yourself. Your story is so poignant, your awesome parents raised two wonderful daughters, you are all tributes to each other. I didn’t ever have to take any of these steps you are taking now, and my heart goes out to you all of you. I am so happy to know all of you. Hugs and more hugs.
I am sitting here in tears reading your story of your parents and my neighbours across the road on Church Street. This was so heartbreaking to watch and so amazing in other ways. Your parents truly love each other. Your Dad told me a few months ago he would do whatever It took to keep his Bobbi home….and he did. Such a sweet couple. Very nice to meet you while you were home. Your parents talk so highly of their girls that are complete opposites. Lol as your Dad said so many times to me. I walked over and water the flowers on the front step tonight and remembered how proud your Mom was to point them out to me about a week ago. Beautifully written.
…just a wee note to say how many great memories I have of the Henderson family from years past. We actually renewed our friendship in recent years as I moved in to an apartment building at the end of Church Street beside Jackie. I will keep them both in my prayers.
Patti, what a beautiful and touching photo and story about your parents. So glad that you shared it on facebook for all to read. Thinking of you and Jen at this difficult time.
I am so saddened by this and I thank you for the very well written story you have shared. Your Mom and Dad have been a part of our lives for many years. We have been blessed to have known them through our Church Family. I saw them from my seat in the Choir loft every Sunday morning. We would all go for breakfast at the Huron Cove after the Church Service and I would look so forward to your Dads stories. They were a most loving couple and shared their joy with everyone they met. This morning when I heard the news it was hard to look out at the pew they shared knowing I wouldn’t see their beautiful smiling faces there one last time. The pew is empty but we have been blessed to have had them in our lives. Prayers and hugs are with you at this time.
oh my Patti (& Jenny too), I am overwhelmed with your such well written, from the heart story. Have been thinking of you all from afar all this week as everything unfolded. I spoke by phone to Uncle Jack yesterday to offer birthday (& anniversary) wishes. He was very upbeat and very proud that his dear Bobbi is adjusting so well to her new surroundings.
I am remembering the very kind uncle and aunt who would do anything they could for anyone in their circle. Uncle Jack used to give us bratty nephews & nieces each crayons and colouring books at Christmas. We used to sneak into his room on the farm to admire his model car and loose change on his dresser. Then it was a big day when he brought Bobbi to meet the family. I remember the day 50 years ago when my sister & I got to “serve” the wedding meal at the Anglican Church in Forest. We both had new dresses for this great event! Then two little redheads took their places in the line of first cousins. And my, how those two little very different redheads have stole the hearts of so many as they grew up to be such fine people……. a real fine tribute to Uncle Jack & Aunt Bobbi!
I have no doubt how hard these past few months have been. I’m crying along with you as you bravely take each step to help your parents on their unique life journeys. Wish I could be physically there to help out. Thinking of you all! Love to all xxx000.
Patti ,
What an amazing tribute to two beautiful people. I have wondered lately where there journey has taken them as their recent health care needs have changed. I will miss them coming in to the clinic together: Roberta’s beautiful smile and John’s new jokes for me, each and every week. He talked of his daughters often with so much pride and had the utmost trust in your abilities to help them through whatever they were dealing with. He cared for Roberta with all his heart and did an amazing job. How lucky they are to have such a caring family to support and surround them through this tough period of transition. Please tell them ” Lisa from the Health Center ” says hello- I miss them both.
Lisa Kingdon, RN
Beautifully said, my dear talented sister. Thank you to all who have written here and shared your thoughts, memories and good wishes. We will pass them on to Mom and Dad. These kind words have made a difficult week, bearable. Mom and Dad have had a great number of friends, neighbours, relatives and healthcare workers in their corner these past few years. Thanks to all for taking care of them and watching out for them. They were able to live their senior lives independently for a much longer time than most. It wouldn’t have been without all the caring people in their community. Thank you from Patti and I and Mom and Dad. (Yarn and Kleenex)
Patti…so beautiful. I am holding you up in my prayers.
Patti, this is very tough times. My heart goes out to you and your whole family. I’m so glad that you had your sister by your side for the transition. It sounds like the whole thing went smoothly, which is a blessing, at least. I’m counting the days till I see you so that I can give you a big hug. Oh heck, here’s a big hug right now! Call any time.
M.
Patti @ Jen you have beautiful, loving parents and I know that they have loved you dearly. It is a great pleasure to know them and very thankful to them for their help while I worked at the centre, they were always there when I needed help.May God bless them in this next stage of their life
I got an eerie sense of what your story was going to be about from the look in your dad’s eye. What a magnificent photographer you are! It was a look of fear and acceptance, to me. I just watched Still Alice for the first time on the weekend. I finally got up my courage. Such a parallel story to your mom. I think the only thing that can help us navigate through these life transitions is family and friends. You and your sister are a strong pair who served that life purpose for your dear mom and dad. I am not a religious person and do not pray to a god, but I send my positivity to you and your family. There has been an ending, a now you’re all in the awkward neutral transition, and sometime in the future, it will feel like a new beginning in life. Love you.
Beautiful, meaningful picture that expresses the full meaning of life. We who are nearing the same point when decisions have to be made, and some that we don’t want to make, but have to, see the true meaning of love in it. You and Jenny have made your parents so very, very proud. Great story of life told in such a simple way. Our thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Beautifully written, Patti. Prayers, love and hugs too you all.
My Aunt Bobbi and Uncle Jack have had their world turned upside down which saddens me greatly
We visted and that’s when Aunt Bobbi would repeat the same sentence and at that time she would she would say sorry I have dementia and from that time to where I saw her again at Aunt Bettyann,s funeral I noticed her mood had changed a lot and this year Uncle Laurie Bettyann,s husband passed and I gave Aunt Bobbi a hug and really noticed her memory and manic state shown she was really confused and scared at that time Uncle Jacks health concern was known I know Jen has been a trooper a strong support for them both I am proud of my Cuz Jenny and feel the struggle she has also gone and still going through that so called children caring for the parents I am very proud of you Jenny my thoughts and prayers are always with you and your family
Thank you to each of you for your kind words of support and for sharing your incredibly touching memories of Mum and Dad! Your responses have meant the world to us and many have brought me to tears. Jenny and I have been very blessed to have such a kind network of supportive, loving friends and family. We also realize just how lucky we are to have been surrounded by very simple yet vitally important examples of how to try to live our lives daily: kindness, generosity and above all, love. Our dear parents gave us this gift and so have you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!
thinking of you all at this very difficult time. I often think of the Christmas Day I had to race over to your Mom to borrow some brown sugar to make the sauce for the Christmas Pudding. She was the first neighbor on the sceine when Carolyn was hit getting off the school bus. She was always ready to help.
You have so eloquently described a moment that arises in the lives of so many families .I have known your parents all my life and have been reminded many times by your father that he’s known me longer than I’ve known him .That picture speaks volumes-definitely a masterpiece of a photo . Our thoughts and prayers are with you at this time
Hi Patti, well I haven’t seen you in several years. I work at the home with your Mom. I hadn’t been at work for a few days, and when I came back I seen we had a new resident. When I went to introduce myself, I thought this well kept lady looked so familiar. I asked your Mom if she was from Forest, she answered yes, then when I paid more attention to her name on the door, I put two and two together.
“I worked with your daughter Patti at a fruit market many years ago”, I explained. “We used to have a lot of fun” Your Mom’s whole face just lit up at the mention of your name. “I imagine you did”, she replied with a smile.
What a beautifully written story about your parents, and touching photo. Such a difficult time for you and your family, my thoughts are with you.
Hi , to both of you, Jen, and Patti, my tears never stopped while reading this beautiful written tribute to your parents and life’s difficult choices, think of you both often and what a written treasure to keep and reflect on thank you for sharing.
Dear Mary Lou. Thanks so much for your kind words here. I know your family has had a very tough year and I also know they have have been surrounded by the kind of love that family brings in times of need. Sending a giant hug today.