The last two weekends I have travelled north to find some snow and some perspective as we approach another Christmas. It is a season I have always loved: the colourful lights, peaceful music, and traditions that often bring comfort. I also love reminiscing about Christmases past as our family celebrated this season with a lot of spirit and an abundance of appreciated love. Christmas to me is Christmas on the farm and so my drives these past few weekends have taken me in search of warm, cozy barns and snow-covered fields.

Last weekend I found gorgeous Hockley Valley Farm just north of Toronto. What’s better than a red barn, fresh-cut Christmas trees and a horse-drawn wagon? I loved visiting the store tucked away in that brilliant red barn, and I was whisked back to my childhood immediately with it’s cozy warmth and farm smells. I know visiting here will become a yearly tradition.

After Hockley Valley farm, my snowy road wound slowly north to one of my favourite towns, Creemore. The Main Street is a festive scene right out of a Christmas card, each shop decorated tastefully and brightly, inviting you in. First, I needed a bite of lunch which I found at The Old Mill House Pub. There was a table at the front looking out onto the town so I settled in with some fiery hot chili, a draft of Creemore Springs beer, and listened to carols playing softly.

I soon wandered out to finish my Christmas shopping which was helped along by a gem of a bookstore, Curiosity House Books. Their selection is brilliantly curated with local non-fiction and some of the best Canadian fiction you can find. Plus their front door is an unexpected and astonishing shade of blue with a cheery wreath to welcome you in! I finished my Creemore visit by walking the Main Street enjoying each festive store front and plaid-wrapped cedar tree.

You might wonder why I enjoy traveling on my own at this time of year. Driving relaxes me after a busy work week, but more importantly, these solo outings give me a chance to process both the joyful and difficult emotions that are attached to nostalgia-laden Christmas. Like most families, we have lost precious loved ones. The empty chair at the table come Christmas is both pronounced and bitter-sweet. Our dear Dad, Jack, passed away three years ago and at this time of year it seems like yesterday. Every barn, old red pick up and quiet church reminds me of his solid, friendly, loving presence. Fortunately for me, these reminders no longer bring a torrent of hot, ugly tears but a slow smile. Keeping his memory close is important and dear. He would have loved these driving adventures!

For those of you struggling with missing your dearest ones this holiday season, I would recommend reading this insightful piece, The Holidays Remind Us That Grief Cannot Be Wished Away by The Conversation. My sister shared it this week and it’s premise is a thoughtful one:

“Grief does not end. It is a reflection of attachment and love, and our connection with loved ones does not end when they die. Therefore our grief will not and does not end. Grief is not a sickness to recover from, but rather and unfolding to experience.”

The Conversation

Part of my experience of living my grief is reminding myself what my Dad loved by going on long drives in the countryside. Red barns, old school houses, rolling fields full of cattle. “Crop-gawking” my Dad called it. I love it. And him.

So this weekend I hopped in my car again to drive north out of the city to find a slice of empty highway, a farm to photograph, a cozy barn to cherish. I enjoyed finding my way up to charming Thornbury where the snow hung deep on the trees. I finished my Christmas shopping in its sweet shops and enjoyed a lovely lunch inside the historic Mill Cafe with water gushing past my window. Dad always believed life was sweet and I must say I agree!

May you find peace this Christmas season. May you embrace those you love and remember those you miss in equal measure. May these memories and the empty chair at the table bring you more tears of joy than those of sorrow.

I am going to leave you today with the lyrics of a beautiful new Christmas ballad by the Irish band called The High Kings. It’s called Christmas the Way I Remember.

“The snow is on the hills

Fills my heart with winter chills

Christmas has once again found me.

Dreams of my childhood and presents round the tree

Family and friends all around me.

I’m coming home, back to the place I love

I’m coming home this December.

Old songs and cheer with the ones I hold dear

Christmas the way I remember.

Lights all aglow and twinkling everywhere

Children with joy on their faces.

Choirs sing old carols in each town and village square

Friends share the warmest embraces.

I’m coming home, back to the place I love

I’m coming home in December.

Old songs and cheer with the ones I hold dear

Christmas the way I remember.

Old photographs make me long for Christmas Eve

Everyone back home together.

These are the moments I really do believe

Love lasts forever and ever.

I’m coming home, back to the place I love

I’m coming home in December.

Old songs and cheer with the ones I hold dear

Christmas the way I remember.”

The High Kings